Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Visit With Biological Family?

I think most of you are friends of mine on facebook, and probably saw my post last week, asking for thoughts and opinions on taking our adopted son to see his biological family for Spring break, per his request.  At first we were leaning towards taking him for a 2 day visit, because 2 days is about all we can stand in that crowded trailer.  But the more we discussed it and thought about it, we decided that even 2 days was too much.  Our little ones would have to sleep in a bed with us, and R would want to crawl back in bed with his Grandma and sleep with her.  Staying in a hotel would upset Grandma and make her feel inadequate.  Parenting roles would be misconstrued and he would be confused as to who was in charge.  He would try to take advantage of his position there, because of the way he used to live.  He would see things that aren't okay in his life anymore.  His biological mother, a drug addict who is just plum crazy from poisoning her brain for so long, would come over and make a scene, that would make all of us uncomfortable.  As you can tell, my husband and I are just not ready to take this risk, not yet.  We've only had R for almost 8 months now, and in those 8 months we have come a LONG ways, and still have a long ways to go.  He is a completely different boy from the boy that used to live on a dirt road in Florida.  We need more time.  We feel that a visit would cause him to regress, and we would have to nearly start all over again.  So we went from considering a 2 day visit, to going on a vacation to Tampa, and just passing through to have lunch with them.  After a week of discussion, weighing the pros and con's, thinking of R's emotions, we have decided to forgo it all together, and take our usual trip back to Ohio to visit Nana and Papaw.  I just can't bare to see R sad again, missing his previous life, wanting to call them all the time.  That's how the first few months of our life with him were lived.  He's still a very sensitive boy and his emotions can change from high to low in a nanosecond.  With time, we will reconsider a visit.  But at this point, it's not going to happen.  I appreciate every one's input.  It helped us more than you know.

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