Friday, November 30, 2012

I Just Want My Family Back...

I had a heart breaking moment with my little guy last night, who will be 4 next month.  If you read my prior post, you saw where I mentioned that he is having a hard time adjusting to all of the changes that have occurred in his life over the last 5 months.  But last night was the breaking point for me.  I am emotionally and mentally exhausted with the day to day struggles of trying to adjust to our adopted son.  Just when I feel like we've had a good moment, or possibly a good day, it's as if a reset button has been hit, and we're right back where we started.

Landon and I were in his room, getting ready for bed.  I was rubbing his lotion on while he was chatting away.  After I put his Spider Man pajama's on him, I grabbed him and pulled him into my lap.  Cradling him in my arms, so I could see his precious face, I began to tell him how much I love him.  "Buddy, I love you, you know that?  I love you SO much!  I love you to the moon and back!"  And just as I started to end it with  "I love your guts," before I could finish, his lip began to quiver, his mouth opened, and he burst into tears.  I have never, in his 4 years of life, seen him so sad, truly sad.  As I held on tightly to him, I asked him what was wrong.  He said, still crying, "I don't want to poop in my pants.  I don't want to go to school anymore.  I want to stay home with you and Aubrey.  I don't want to sleep by myself.  I want to sleep with you because I'm scared of the monsters in the dark."  My son has been potty trained for a year and a half now, but yet has recently started pooping in his pants every day.  My son has always slept by himself, never afraid of the dark.  But come to find out, Robert told him there were monsters in the dark, because Robert was afraid of the dark when he came to us, so he wanted to make Landon afraid too.  I went on to ask him more questions about school.  Still crying, he tells me that a girl in his class, named Brianna, is mean and hits, pushes, and scratches him.  He also said that the teacher has everyone who doesn't poop in their pants, raise their hands.  My brother is a preschool teacher and says this is actually an approach that can work, as long as the teacher isn't ridiculing Landon when she does it, and Landon is allowed to raise his hand too.
It literally breaks my heart and makes me so angry.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I have no control of anything that is happening and for the first time, I'm at a loss as to how fix things.  But today we are going to have a special day.  I'm going to give him an abundance of attention, kisses, and hugs.  We're going to make Christmas cookies and decorate them.  We're going to go outside and play and hang more Christmas decorations.  We're going to go out to lunch.  My husband was none to pleased with the decision I made of keeping him home from school, but my husband was not there to see that pitiful face looking up at me, with tears rolling down his cheeks.  Call me a sucker, if you will.  I will hold my babies in my arms forever!

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