Saturday, November 17, 2012

Do You Judge Me?

I realize by having a blog and sharing my personal life with people, I am opening myself up to judgement.  But it doesn't make the judgement any easier to swallow.  I admit that my husband and I are strict parents and I do not apologize for that, but we are also very loving parents.  Our kids love us to death and know that we love them to death.  I give my kids more hugs and kisses than I ever remember getting.  They smile, laugh, play, and want for nothing.  We have a huge playroom in our house for them to explore and learn in, that they tear apart every day and put back together every night before they go to bed.  Yes, I make my kids pick up after themselves, because I believe that is a valuable lesson.  My kids have manners and are applauded constantly by strangers in public, friends, and family for their behavior.  We firmly believe bad behavior deserves consequences.  But this is my family.  This is how we function.  I was raised with rules, as was my husband, and it lead both of us down a great path. Who am I to tell you how to raise your family?  I wouldn't dare.  We are all free to be whatever kind of parents we choose to be.  And parenting is always by trial and error.

My best friend and I constantly hang out together with our kids, but we do not raise our kids the same.  We never tell each other we're wrong, but if we ask for an opinion, our answer is usually, "Well that's just not how I would do it."  Never ever do we say, "No, you're wrong, You shouldn't do that."  There is no perfect parent, just as there is no perfect person.  If your kids love you and know they are loved, and respect you and others, then you have been successful.  When you have 2 small children of your own, and bring in a 9 year old boy whom you had never met and only known now for 5 months, then tell me how you feel, tell me your struggles.  When you see your 3 year old son being negatively effected by the adjustment, tell me how that makes you feel.

I could go on and on and on.  My husband told me I didn't need to defend myself to anyone, that there would be no point, and people will believe what they choose.  He also tells me on a regular basis what an amazing mommy I am, as does my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law.  It's the oldest saying in the book, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."  And how dare someone kick a girl when she's already down.  I share my adoption experiences with the world, because I know there are other people out there going through a very similar situation, and need to know that there are others out there struggling and it's not all sunshine and rainbows.  We just had our monthly adoption dinner/group meeting last night, and even the adoptive parents of children whom they've had since birth, still struggle with very similar issues we are struggling with.  I only wish I had more time with this group, then just once a month, because hearing we are not alone and "I understand how you feel," is so refreshing and uplifting.
My beautiful, happy children!


  1. Holly, sorry to hear your are facing negative feedback on your posts. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your honesty, and that you are real and genuine about what you're facing and are going through with your adoption process. I agree that you will definitely help others to be real and to realize that they aren't alone or crazy for feeling similar feelings as you are. I hope you dont get too discouraged by the negative feedback and keep sharing! Praying for you and your family.

  2. Thank you, Katie, for always being so uplifting. Your kind words are always very much appreciated.