Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Lie After Lie After Lie

I apologize for not posting for a few days.  My daughter turned 2 on Sunday, so I was busy making and planning everything for the big birthday bash.  We also had company all weekend, and our air conditioner went out on Friday.  Remember, I live in Alabama.  It's been in the 80's here.  We still have no air conditioning, but luckily the past 2 days have been nice and cool.  It looks like we have to replace our entire A/C unit though.  Not fun!

Anywho, let me get on with my post.  We have had to punish R quite a bit lately, for the same thing, over and over.  He lies...about everything, about nothing...because he's afraid he'll get in trouble.  But then he really gets in trouble for the lie.  Some people have told me it's typical 9 year old behavior.  Okay, I get that, but it still doesn't make it right, and he's still going to be punished for it.  It really irritates me and my husband though.  We just aren't used to being lied to...we're used to our brutally honest 2 and almost 4 year olds. 

Remember, his first spanking came from telling a lie and being disrespectful.  We've tried to explain to him time and time again, that when we ask him a question, it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to get in trouble, it's because we need to know.   But he isn't getting it.  Sunday we had to punish him by leaving him at home (with someone), while we took the little kids to a birthday party.  He seemed very upset about it, which is what he needed to feel.  The lie had been at breakfast, when we started talking about watches.  I asked R why he doesn't wear the watch I gave him.  I had given him my watch that I had worn in Afghanistan and Iraq.  He loved it and said his friends thought it was cool too.  He responded with some crazy answer that didn't make any sense.  So I asked him where it was because I hadn't even seen it in awhile.  He said it was in his desk at school.  My husband knew right then and there, that it wasn't, and said, "R, did you lose it?"  R just sat there, unsure of what to say.  Hubby said again, "R, you lost it, didn't you?"  R shook his head yes.  We made sure he understood he was punished for the lie, and not for losing the watch.  

Another lie occurred this morning, when we found a statement in his backpack, saying we were negative $2.00 on his meal card.  My husband had made sure that he had the exact amount of money on his meal card to get him through fall break.  When asked why he ran out of money, R said he didn't know, he didn't buy anything but lunch.  Eventually it came out that he had been eating breakfast at home, then going to school and using his meal card to eat breakfast again.  He was told at school orientation not to do this.  So for this lie, and for not bringing his homework home today, he had to stay inside and study his spelling words while we played outside.  At some point, he came and asked me if he could come outside, and I had to explain to him he was being punished.  I could tell he had been crying.  I explained to him during dinner that he wasn't in trouble for buying breakfast, he was in trouble for lying about it.  I asked him if he's still hungry after his one packet of oatmeal or bowl of cereal in the morning and he said yes.  I said, "Well why didn't you say, Mom or Dad, I'm still hungry?"  And then asked him if he would like to have 2 packets of oatmeal instead of 1.  Of course he said yes.  Too easy!  

There's nothing I despise more, than lying.  I was lied to a great deal in my past and it caused me a lot of heartache.  I've seen my dad lie so much that it swallows up every part of his life.  I know R is a kid and kids are going to lie for fear of getting in trouble, but it's something we are struggling with, trying to teach him how wrong it is, to raise him up an honest man.  I would love comments on how some of you deal with this in your home, or how some of you think you would deal with this if it were you.  


3 comments:

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  2. I thought the same thing as Chandra. We have also had to deal with lying (both with my 6 yr. old and 4 yr. old). It seems like all kids go through a stage early on where we, as parents, have to teach them what a lie is and why it is not okay to lie. Marc and I have worked really hard to teach our children the same lesson that you are trying to teach which is that you may still get punished if u do something wrong, but it will be WAY WORSE if you lie about what you did. R has never been taught that. :( I think it will take several times of him being punished for lying and several times of him being honest and the punishment being different for him to really realize what he's doing wrong. Hang in there. Just try to remember that he has 9 years worth of learning and u have 9 years worth of teaching. You're doing a great job. Just stay consistent and he'll get it. :) Hugs momma!

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  3. I wish I knew how to deal with this, but like you I'm only used to the brutally honest toddler, except for when he lies and says he didn't go poo poo because he doesn't want to stop playing to get his diaper changed or to go to the potty. But that's different. I'd say maybe R has never been taught this before and since he's a kid and still has an immature brain and less ability to control his impulses it is going to take him longer to learn why a lie is bad and what a lie is, since he is only learning it now. You've been teaching your other kids their whole lives, but no one has been teaching R until now. So maybe it will just take him a little while to get it. But he'll get there eventually because you guys are teaching him now. (I republished this comment b/c I didn't say "R" but used his full name out of habit - wanted to delete to protect his privacy. sorry!)

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