Thursday, October 11, 2012

A Response To My Readers...

I received a few, long comments on my last post...but the comments were posted on my Facebook page instead of on my blog.  I wanted to share my response and appreciation for these comments, with all of my readers.  I very much appreciate all of your comments.

R was the one who made the decision to come live with us. We asked Grandma if we could adopt him. She said it would be up to him and he immediately responded with a yes. Of course that's a huge decision for an 8 year old to make, and I'm sure he didn't fully understand what it would entail. I don't think he was necessarily unhappy where he was. The life he was living was all that he knew. They were poor and hoarders. He was the only child in the home. He was very, very spoiled, as far as having no rules, no discipline, getting all the junk he wanted in food and toys, and so on and so on. I think more than anything though, he wanted a dad, and he wanted to be with people who resembled him in color. He highly dislikes his birth mother. He has told us that Grandma would send him to her house to stay all night at times, and he hated it and was always scared at night, sleeping on the floor, hearing her in the bed having sex, and watching her do drugs in front of him. He had never eaten at a dinner table before he came to us, because there was no place to sit and eat in the trailer he lived in, for all of the junk. He had also never eaten out anywhere, except Golden Corral, the Chinese buffet, and McDonalds. And that was only on very special occasions. I would love to get him into therapy and plan on talking to my post-adoption leader about it. Please don't think we are giving up on him. We would never give up on him. I'm just expressing my frustrations and thoughts as we go on this journey. The first day I started my blog, I told my husband that I hope one day when Robert is grown, that he and I have a close, personal relationship where we can sit down and look back at how hard it was in the beginning, in amazement, because of how amazing things turned out to be. I also have fears though that it won't turn out amazing, because of the DNA he comes from...a long line of trouble.

We are a family of 5 now and that means there are 5 of us that have to adjust.  We are all living a different life now, but especially R.  We only want the best for him and to see him succeed and do better.  On Sunday, my husband and I were having a conversation in front of him, saying that someone (who shall remain nameless) was probably talking bad about us and saying we are mean parents.  R immediately jumped in and said, "You guys aren't mean!"  It was so refreshing and shocking to hear him say this.  I assumed he thought we were drill sergeants, because he had gone from no rules to a house full of them.  I responded to him, "You really don't think we're mean?"  "Huh uh!" he said.  That immediately made me think, maybe, just maybe, he likes having rules and being disciplined.  For him, maybe it shows him that we care.  I hope!

2 comments:

  1. you guys are doing such a great job. better than most people, and most people wouldn't have cared enough to adopt R in the first place. And that just shows you that R thinks so too, by what he said. I will say that I think therapy (with the right counselor) sounds like a great idea. It definitely has helped me in the past, and I think the earlier you start with that (both younger and closer to the difficult time or trama, etc.) the better. hang in there.

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  2. I think you guys are doing an amazing job! I am sure it's difficult for everyone involved. I agree with what you said at the end, that although you may be harder on him than he has ever known, it's probably the safest he has ever felt. And you all are probably the first to ever care about all the details of his life!

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