Monday, October 1, 2012

Do You Want A Spanking???

Oh boy...here we go!  Everyone has their own parenting styles and we all discipline our children in different ways.  You use the techniques that you feel work best.  My husband and I were both spanked as children.  We grew up to be successful, responsible adults, with no emotional scars or loss of love for our parents, because of being spanked.  Therefore, we decided our children would be spanked as well.  It works for us.  I know there are many people who are opposed to spanking, and that is fine.  It's not for everyone.  I respect your choice.

With that said, let me get to where I'm going with all of this.  Our little boy and little girl know what a spanking is and know they will get one if they do something bad.  Now we don't spank for every little thing.  For instance, our son hit our daughter in the face with a toy yesterday, on purpose because he was angry.  He definitely got a spanking for that.  So when we brought R, at the age of nine, into our home, we wondered how in the world to discipline him.  Here's a boy who has never been disciplined, let alone spanked.  So how do you raise three children, and only spank two of them, while the third just looks on?  We had decided we would not spank him because he was already too old and had never been spanked before.  Well, time and life has changed that decision.

R got his first spanking last night.  Yes, he cried, for a long time.  I think more than anything he was shocked that it actually happened, and embarrassed.  I asked my husband if he was nervous about doing it, and he said he actually was a little nervous, but he did not feel bad for doing it because it was well deserved.  My husband is so good with R though.  He made sure R knew what he was getting a spanking for.  He left him in his room to cry and think, and then went up about 10 minutes later to check on him, make sure he understood why it happened, and that it was now over.  He showed him that he still loves him, and R was okay after that.

We had decided about a week or two ago that words, time-outs, taking things away, etc. weren't strong enough consequences for him.  He didn't seem bothered by any of it.  So my husband warned him on numerous occasions that he would get a spanking the next time.  R did not think he meant it.  He did not take him serious.

Now I'll explain what the spanking was for, and you will see that it was over something so minuscule. But R made it into a big deal.  Because of the color of R's skin, the dryness in his skin stands out more, ashy if you will.  He had never, and I mean never, put lotion on before he came to live with us four months ago.  I put lotion on every time I get out of the shower.  I put lotion on the little kids every time they get out of the bath.  So we made a rule for R that every time he gets out of the shower, he puts lotion on.  He had to be taught how to do it.  But still so many times, he would come downstairs with no lotion on.  Last night was one of those times.  I walked in the living room and he had his knee up.  It was ashy as I'll get out, so I said, "R, why didn't you put lotion on?"  He just smirked.  I asked, "How many times do you have to be reminded to put your lotion on?"  He replied, "Every time!"  What a smart mouth answer, huh?!  But Granny was in the living room too, and apparently she had already asked him if he put his lotion on, and he had told her yes.  When she told me this, in front of him, he said, "No I didn't."  So I brought my husband in on it.  Now the lotion had turned into a much bigger thing...LYING AND DISRESPECT.

It's hard disciplining a 9 year old boy, when all you know how to discipline are toddlers/preschoolers.  But we've dredged through the waters and finally gotten to a place where we are comfortable enough to discipline him as our own child.  And now he knows!

2 comments:

  1. We use spanking in our house too. It's for worst case offenses. I can see how it would be difficult trying to decide how to discipline a 9 year old after only disciplining a 2 & 4 year old! I think you made the right choice. Kids need discipline to feel safe with us and he is probably testing how safe he is with you guys.

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    1. Thank you for your support and sharing, Katie.

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