Friday, September 28, 2012

A Sad Little Boy

This will be a short entry, but I wanted to share some of the sad comments we have heard in the past few months, from our new son, R.  It really puts thing into perspective and makes me realize that this isn't just a one way street.  What's hard and frustrating for me, is likely ten times harder for him.  He's the one coming into a whole new family, a new school, a whole new life.  If I could only remind myself of this every time I start to lose my patience with him.  The past few days, especially today, have been good days.  I'm sure it's the mere fact of writing my feelings down and of course the prayers from everyone.  So thank you!

I'll begin with the most recent.  My mom, the kids call her Granny, took the boys to the movies and dinner this evening.  This left me with one on one time with my little girl, and then when daddy came home from work, we had some time with just the three of us.  While all we did was go to Target, drink some Starbucks, and walk around, it was so special and so nice.  Once everyone was back home, Granny took me out on the front porch to share a conversation with me, that her and R had this evening.  She asked him if he was happy here.  He said, in a not so sure way, "Yes, but I miss Grandma."  Granny asked him if he wants to go back there.  R said, "Yes, I want to go live with Grandma."  She asked him why.  He replied, "Because I don't have to ask to go outside and play, or ask for food, or sit at the table to eat.  I miss all of my friends. And I was an only child there."  It does make my heart hurt that he is not happy, but the reasons he gave are from a lack of rules and discipline, and being the center of attention.  I will admit my husband and I run a pretty tight ship, and we like to be in control, probably a little too much.  But at the same time, we're learning too.  So right now, I am putting it out there for all to witness, I am going to try EXTRA hard to be patient, kind, and loving to this boy, so that he feels welcome and happy in his new home.  I can't imagine being a 9 year old, in a new place, and going to bed every night unhappy, wishing I was somewhere else.

Another conversation that I myself had with R, was about a month ago, while I was bathing the little kids.  We have a painting of three little kids, 2 boys and a girl, in the bathtub, hanging on the wall in the bathroom.  Under each child is our childrens names.  R likes to sit in the bathroom with us while I'm bathing the little ones.  He looks at the picture and says, "If I was little like them, would I take a bath with them?"  I explained that he would, and that if he was young enough that I needed to wash him, they would all be in there together so I could get it all done at once.  He replied, "I wish Bubby and I were the same age and came from the same mom."  I didn't have a response for that comment, except to say, "Yeah, that would be cool!"

These are just a couple of comments we've heard from R, that just shows how badly he wants to be a part of this family and how badly he wants to be accepted.  He says quite often that he wishes him and Bubby were the same age.  Or that he would like to be Bubby or Sissy for a day.  I just hope that coming to live with us was a better option and proves to be a better life for him.  At this point, I worry so much about all of the things this young child has already seen and been through, and how much it will effect the person he turns out to be.

3 comments:

  1. YAY, I finally figured out how to post a freakin comment on here!!! hahaha Anywho, I think Robert is gonna grow up and be incredibly grateful for the gift of a family that you gave him. I imagine "Grandma," although sad to see him go, was probably relieved that he would be raised in a structured environment that she was not really capable of carrying out. Could you imagine an 82 year old woman trying to discipline a rowdy 15 year old boy. And you all were totally right that if you were gonna do this, it is best to intercept him when he is young and still able to be shaped. He misses Grandma because he ran wild there and he probably was THE BOSS in that household. There are two new sheriffs in town and it is gonna take awhile to adjust, but he will. Hang in there Hollie Bell!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mindy! I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and write me words of encouragement:)

      Delete